


Saudade

by gotkindabored



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anger, Angst, F/M, Harry Potter - Freeform, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, James Potter is a Good Friend, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Multi, My First Fanfic, Oneshot Prompts Challenge, Quidditch, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Teen Romance, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29005515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotkindabored/pseuds/gotkindabored
Summary: James Potter realized he spent years chasing after the wrong girl. But is it too late to finally tell you how he feels?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Reader, Sirius Black/Reader
Kudos: 42





	Saudade

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: All original Harry Potter characters are owned and written by J.K. Rowling. I do not own any Harry Potter characters or the story.

* * *

The Gryffindor common room was in full swing as soon as the sun set. They had just won the last match of the year against Slytherin. With the rivalry between the two houses, well amongst all of the houses viruses Slytherin, the celebration was inclusive. Students second year and up from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were asked to celebrate alongside the red and gold. It was a petty move, disrespectful at most. Nonetheless, the party was vibrant and was nowhere close to ending. **  
**

In the corner leaning against the wall closest to the drinks, James was already on his third glass of firewhiskey, chatting away quietly with Sirius alongside a couple of other Gryffindors on the quidditch team, planning out the next years team. Out of the corner of his eyes, James sees the entrance to the common room open. Curious to who would come to the party this late, he extends his neck only to see you enter the room, hands filled with small wrapped gifts and dressed in a short yet casual dress. Turning to talk to Lily, James' eyes never wavered, even with the presence of fiery-red hair.

It was shocking to him, he didn't expect you to come, you weren't known to party until he remembered that you were dating Sirius who joined the quidditch team this year. Of course, you would come to congratulate him.

You and James were first introduced by Remus. You and Remus had rather an academic friendship at first until she had stumbled upon him in the hospital wing after a nasty full moon. Soon afterwards, a beautiful friendship bloomed that rivalled his friendship with the Marauders until Sirius, James, and Peter forced him to introduce you to them.

In all honesty, James had not paid you attention when you two were first introduced. He admitted, you were pretty, smart, and had a fun personality. That was rare, indeed rare when someone had the full package but nobody could compare to his hyper fixation on the so-called love of his life, his Lily-Pad, the girl of his dreams. But that was two years ago and over time, the constant rejection from Lily had caused James to lose confidence. The chase was no longer fun, her irritated attitude towards him had worn him down. However, James continued to engage in the push and pull with Lily. It was mostly out of habit and his hard work finally paid off. It seemed like a waste to not at least pursue a relationship with Lily.

But within those two years, James fell out of love with Lily and instead fell in love with you. Instead of being shut down for telling a joke, you laughed and encouraged him to continue. Never had you tried to change him, to be quieter or less annoying. You simply let him be who he was and enjoyed his company. It was quite a drastic change from Lily to you and he couldn't pinpoint when he decided to choose you. Maybe when he started to look for you in the great hall rather than Lily or decided to ask you for help. But he did know he fully realized he had fallen for you when he didn't smell lilies, old books and Lily's perfume in the Amortentia Slughorn brewed but instead smelled coffee grounds, the rain and your perfume. You always smelled of coffee, rain and the sweet sugary smell of your perfume he had bought you for Christmas.

Days, weeks, months and then years went by and James Potter still couldn't bring himself to tell her how he felt. If anything, it felt as if his heart was pressed against a microphone, booming with every rapid beat.

But if he was honest, the familiar pain of unrequited love settled in his heart. The once unrequited love he received from Lily was nowhere close to the pain he felt for her.

What made it harder was that he would never be able to express it to her as James snapped out of his daze to feel Sirius leaving his side and made a beeline to her. He saw how his best friend's eyes light up when she smiled back at him. How the light twinkled back in her eyes when she smiled back.

"I never thought in a million years it would be her," a raspy voice says beside him. Remus had replaced Sirius' spot and he grabbed a red solo cup on the table beside them, leaning against the same wall as James.

With a forced chuckle, James let out a breathy laugh. "Yeah, we always thought it would be you pal."

A loud groan comes from Remus' mouth, "Would you stop with that, Prongs! She's practically my sister you prat!"

Never once did his eyes leave her until Sirius leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Gazing downwards, James took a sip of the burning whisky and closed his eyes. He felt his heart crack all over again and felt the painful sensation to cry build up. A beat passes again, Remus was starting to become worried about the change in his friend's behaviour. Deciding to break the silence, he turned back to the couple and spoke again."You know, I think she's the one."

James swore he felt his heart crack as he opened his eyes and stared back at his friend, frowning. Even if he wanted, and he very much wanted to, he could never choose his happiness over Sirius.

Never over Sirius' happiness. Not after what he's been through, not after when his family abused him, broke him down and disowned him. Not after all the times Sirius had been there for James. Not when he considered him family.

But it was also undeniable their spark, even James couldn't deny it. Dropping his head, he rotated his red cup to stare at the amber liquid. Instead of the bright contrast of the red reminding him of Lily, the deep comforting golden brown reminded him of you. Another nudge from Remus had James quickly looking up.

"James! Remus!" you greeted, quickly pulling Remus then James into a hug. He took a moment before handing his drink to Remus to fully wrap his arms around her waist, basking in her warmth and the smell of her hair.

Having been friends and having feelings for James for so long never served you any good. You would always be second to Lily and everyone knew that except you and James."Look at you! At a party? Whew, finally came out of a cave, eh?" he said when you pulled away, eyes glazed over and jaw clenched.

"Hardy har, Prongs. I had too and I wouldn't have missed it," you smiled, slightly turning back to look at Remus now talking to Sirius across the room. "You think I would miss yours and Sirius's last quidditch game... ever! If so, my, my, my Fleamont! You really are that daft then, aren't you?"A smile appeared on both of their faces before a gut-wrenching had both of them laughing before James glanced down at her hands. It was a small wooden box painting in both red and gold with a bow on top. Pointing to it he asked, "Who's that for? Sirius?"

"No actually, I gave him a gift earlier. This - this is for you," she said in a shaky, quiet voice. Reaching for his hand, you pulled it towards your body, turning it over to see the palm of his hand. As you placed the box into his hand, James' body felt electric, going into overdrive from your touches. "This better not be some prank you and Sirius are pulling on me," he said, starting to get a little nervous.

"No, seriously. Open it."

As he unlatched the small hinge on the box, the inside was furnished with soft red velvet. In the middle sat a golden ring with the word 'Saudade' engraved inside the band.

"Saudade?" he asked, still looking down at the ring.

It was your time to glance down. Avoiding the question, she asked, "So do you like it?" Panic started to arise when he didn't respond. Perhaps he didn't like it?

Repeating, "James, do you like-." As she continued to stare at James, she saw teardrops falling onto the soft velvet. "James, oh my god I'm sorry I didn't think-"

"I love it." Finally looking to see her face, he gives a weak smile, snuffling. He takes his hand to wipe his face and pulls her back into a hug. "Thank you, I l-love y-." He pauses before starting again, " I love it so much."

"I got it made about a week ago. It was the last game you were going to play so I thought I should get you something special. To remember it."

Pulling back to look him in the face, she smiles again and reaches up to ruffle his hair. "I'm glad you like it, James." His heart soared at the mention of his name before finally breaking apart. Sirius strides over, arms wrapping around her waist before tucking her head under his chin.

"Wow, Prongs, buddy, you alright?" Weakly nodding, he smiles back at him.

"Damn, you broke him didn't you, love? Trying to steal my spot as best friend huh?"

The three giggle before Sirius once again whispers in her ear and James returns to his spot leaning against the wall watching heat rush to both of his best friends' faces. Unable to continue to look, he looks in the opposite direction where he spots Lily and Remus. Lily was chatting away excitedly to him, presumably about life after Hogwarts, but Remus was already staring back. A look of recognition finally rushed through him. He was too observant for his own good. As Remus stepped forward, James' attention turned back to the couple in front.

"Hey Prongs, we have to go. We'll see you tomorrow."

Bidding their goodbyes quickly, you and Sirius both leave, hands wrapped together as you both head up the towers leading to the dorm rooms.

In his daze, Lily touches his arm, peering at him through her eyelashes. She begins to talk, choosing to hold his arm and lean her head against his shoulder. James tries his hardest to focus on her words but the cracking of his heart is louder.

Thump. Tha-Thump. Thump. Tha-Thump. Thump. It won't slow down.

Thump. Tha-Thump. Thump. Tha-Thump. Thump. It's becoming dangerously loud.

He looks back at Remus, a smile of pity gracing his lips.

Thump. Tha-Thump. Thump. Tha-Thump. Thump

* * *

That very night, after James and Lily had made love for the very first time. As Lily was fast asleep on his chest, James slowly detached himself from the red-head and crept out of her bed, snuck out into the shrieking shack and cried. He cried for hours until the sun raised. He yelled, he broke items in the worn-down house, until he was too tired to move. He felt disgusting and guilt riddled every bone in his body. He had never felt emotional pain similar to this. The pain was inexplicable, pretending to have never loved you and Lily instead. The anguish of having to see his best friend love you instead. The grief he felt when he found out Sirius was planning to propose, and the unbearable discomfort he felt when he was asked to be his best man. The agony he felt as he put on his most expensive suit with Lily by his side. The hurt he felt when he saw your beautiful face walk down the aisle, eyes never once leaving Sirius. The despondency he felt when he had to give a speech about how you and Sirius were made for each other.

And as James watched the love of his life and best friend have their first dance as husband and wife, he never felt as hopeless as he did in that very moment. With the wrong woman by his side, a golden ring strung onto a chain underneath his suit shined bright, close to his heart.

* * *

Saudade

The nostalgic yearning to be near something or someone again that is distant or has been loved and then lost. It also means that an object or person of longing that might never be had again. Some refer to the word as "the love that remains."


End file.
